


Someone To Live For

by SparklingSoul



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24512230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklingSoul/pseuds/SparklingSoul
Summary: "Don’t tell me you finally found something to live for?"Follows John Constantine's thoughts and feelings throughout I Am Legends as he realizes he’s found not something, but someONE to live for...
Relationships: John Constantine/Zari Tomaz | Zari Tarazi
Comments: 11
Kudos: 55





	Someone To Live For

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I know things are insane rn, and I hope you’re all staying strong and staying safe. This is like, a week late bc I just couldn’t get into the right (or WRITE ;) mood, but I wanted to post this before the finale. Also, thanks to my beta @greenleaf13579 <3

* * *

_  
"...but I have a particular tenderness for you, and one I have never felt for anyone, up to now."_  
_-George Sand_

* * *

  
_She betrayed you, turned her back on you like they all said she would._

_You put all your trust in Astra only for her to go and do this._

_You stood up for her against the team._

_They were right._

John reaches for the cigarette pack in his coat pocket. He had given up the dirty habit after nearly dying from lung cancer and realizing he had friends whom he wasn't in a rush to leave. Not to mention for the first time since God knows when, he had hope.

But he'd sound an old pack stuffed away in a drawer (one of his secret stashes) and couldn't resist grabbing it. Right now he's grateful for that moment of weakness as he pulls a cigarette out and lights it.

He needs something to help silence these plaguing thoughts and feelings. To make his mind go hazy.

The stimulant drug is welcomed like an old friend. The kind who you only act glad to see when you need something from them.

Sticking the cigarette in his mouth, John breathes in the chemical induced smoke and waits for the side effects to kick in.

_It's a lost cause, Johnny, why do you even try?_

Suddenly, John's pity party is interrupted by the cigarette being harshly pulled from his mouth.

"You must be joking. What are you doing?" Zari questions.

"Oh, I'm just having a little chin wag with an old friend. Come on, give it here—" he tries.

"This is not your friend. I thought you quit. Why are you starting again?"

"Because I trusted Astra, and then she betrayed me by siding with Charlie's sisters. You know, once they use the Loom we're all as good as dead anyways."

"This doomsday act is getting super old. Look around," she gestures to the outside, "the sky hasn't fallen, the world is still here. And for whatever reason, the cabal of mystical seamstresses hasn't started spinning yet, which means we still have time to stop them. So just don't do that."

"Fine," he surrenders, knowing Zari won't leave him alone until he does. He reluctantly tucks the small box back into his coat.

"So gross," he hears her mutter as she turns around in the seat in front of him.

He rolls his eyes at the scene she'd made. Why does she care so much?

His gaze finds the back of her head, her long dark hair piled high beneath a vintage hat. His expression softens.

He hasn't the slightest clue why, but she cares about his well-being. It's not much, but she cares.

Ever so slightly, the corners of his mouth turn upwards.

* * *

  
"No, no, no, no, don't do this to me," John pleads as Zari remains motionless.

She has to wake up, has to. He doesn't know what he would do if she didn't—she'd placed her trust in him, and now it appears that he was going to dishonor that trust.

His mind going into overdrive, John immediately goes into a state of panic. "Come on Zari, come on."  
Giving up on magic, John begins CPR.

The sound of his own heartbeat pounding in his ears overwhelms him as he desperately listens for hers.

"Come back to me, love, come back to me."

He sends a silent prayer up above that she would live. And John Constantine _never_ prays.

With a strangled gasp, Zari's eyes fly open as her heart jump-starts from John's CPR administration.

He quickly helps her sit up and the two look at each other, looking equally terrified and relieved.

* * *

  
"Great. My brother is never coming back because someone forgot to charge the damn time courier."

John watches an upset Zari get up and walk away, secluding herself in a small back room. He frowns, surprised that for once he's not pleased at the sight of someone being as miserable as he is. Up until now, Zari had been the one to stay positive, so determined to save her brother that she refused to accept failure. Seeing her despairing...it didn't fit her. And if he was honest, he missed her smile.

The rest of the Legends sympathetically look at one another. Nate breaks the tense silence, "Maybe someone should—"

"I've got it, mates," John interrupts, not hesitating to volunteer for comforting duty, much to the surprise of his teammates.

John tries to ignore Charlie's knowing gaze as he briefly hesitates at the door, taking a deep breath before turning the knob.

"Smoke break?" Zari asks pointedly.

"Actually, I quit smoking—again," he smiles, though he quickly realizes that Zari fails to see the humor.

"Hm, don't tell me you finally found something to live for."

At her words, John feels his heart leap to his throat as the image of her lifeless body flashes through his mind.

_Come back to me, love, come back to me._

But before he can respond, Zari continues with more despairing words that John doesn't recognize as hers, "There's no point. The fates are _literally_ against us..."

* * *

  
"I wouldn't want to be with you right now if you were the last man on earth!" Zari snaps.

John's reply is reflexive; he's so wrapped up in the heat of the moment. He's good at arguing, throwing hurtful, meaningless words back and forth. "Well, good because I wouldn't want to be with you if you were the last woman—"

John is interrupted by Zari's cry of frustration as she grabs his face and pulls him in for a kiss.

He's too shocked to kiss back at first, his mind not able to process the reality of her lips on his. When she pulls back, he sees the same shock in her eyes, but also fear at his lack of a response. She's scared too, afraid of what he may not feel for her, or perhaps fear of what he does feel for her too, and what it means.

Knowing she has the same fears as him comforts him in an odd way; they have no idea what this means or where it will go, but they'll figure it out together, eventually. Right now, it doesn't matter, he doesn't want to think or worry or fear. It's the end of the world, right? What do they have to lose?

He slowly smiles, their arguments and words forgotten. He now knows they both want this and were merely masking their desire and attraction.

He eagerly kisses her and wraps his arms around her, and she reciprocates passionately. John walks her backwards to the couch,and they start tearing at each other's clothes, desperate to be skin-to-skin.

The next four hours are ones satisfying their needs for comfort and repressed desire, but more than that, the hours are filled with delicate intimacy.

They explored each other's bodies with awe and reverence.

They explored each other's souls as though they had stripped away more than just their clothes.

Being together felt so comfortable, so familiar. John felt as if they had done this before.

And afterwards, they lay together on the couch, Zari half on top of John with his trench coat draped over them.

Zari has her head on his chest, appearing to be soothed by the sound of his heartbeat. John gazes down at her, feeling a warmth at her peaceful expression. He's playing with her hair, the intricate updo long ago unraveled, twirling the silky locks around his fingers.

John watches as Zari closes her eyes, a peaceful smile upon her lips. He's the kind of tortured soul that often wishes for death; he'd even considered suicide when his sister left him alone with their father and he'd tried to prevent himself from being born. But here, in the silence, he knows; this was something he wanted to live for.

* * *

  
It's dead quiet now, John having fought off the last of the zombies, tearing them away from the desecrated bodies of the Legends.

He looks down at the one he's holding on his lap, Zari. He gently caresses her face, tears blurring his vision as he whispers, "Come back to me, love, please."

But he knows she won't, not this time. Her body, like the others, is bloody and broken. Some of her flesh has been eaten away by ruthless zombie teeth.

He glances around, once again taking in the lifeless bodies of his teammates.

His friends, his _family_.

He knows his soul is damned to Hell, sure. He's been coping with it, having accepted a long time ago that he's going to suffer eternal pain in the afterlife. But this? This is Hell right here. He shouldn't have to go through this in this life. It wasn't fair.

He looks back down at Zari's pale face, looking just as peaceful as she had earlier when he had intentionally stopped her heart. But this was no spell.

His face crumbled, and he brought her body close to his, cradling her close to his chest. John couldn't hold back the tears any longer as he rocked her lifeless body back and forth.

He'd finally found something—someone—to live for.

And now she was dead.


End file.
